“IS THERE HARMONY AT HOME? Things to consider before you get married
One consideration frequently overlooked when examining a potential mate is the question, “Is there harmony at home?” Anyone we consider dating or marrying “should be on generally good terms with his own family. How does he get along with his parents and siblings? If he is not welcome at home, it is extremely important to find out why. If his bold stance for Christ has put him at odds with his unbelieving family, that is one thing; if his parents and siblings want nothing to do with him because he treats them like dirt, that is another. Family relations do not have to be perfect, but a deep rift of division or an abundance of anger, bitterness, or hostility are certainly warning flags. How do people rationalize on this question?
“He says I’m the only one he can talk to.” If this is true, he may need professional counseling. More likely, he is unwilling to face his problem realistically or to talk to those involved. Instead, he seeks to drag in “someone else who will take his side. Being at odds with a potential spouse’s family is not a good way to begin.
“I think his parents are too strict.” That may or may not be so, but taking that attitude will likely increase the tension because it will unite the couple against his family in an “us versus them” mentality.
“He has a bad temper, but he holds it around me.” Most of us are on our best behavior during dates. How we act at home says much more about who we really are and what we are really like. If he loses his temper at home with his parents and siblings, eventually he will lose it with the person he marries. “Once he leaves home, things will be much better.” Don’t count on it, particularly if he is the main source of the problem. Unresolved conflict transfers. A man tends to treat his wife the same way he treats his mother, and a wife tends to respond to her husband the same way she responded to her father.
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